Life seems to have caught up on me again, I’ve spent the past few weeks drowning in what seems to be nothing. I have no reason or explanation for it, I suppose I’m just meant to accept that this is the way I am. I guess this is how my body copes with life and without it, perhaps it wouldn’t be able to. Being sad is something I grew fond of, now I don’t even have that. I’m just an empty shell of a human, I can barely smile anymore or perhaps I don’t care to fake anymore smiles. I’ve spent a long time pretending to be someone I wasn’t to the people closest to me. Letting them believe I’m doing great and for a while I actually was. But now, I’m not so sure. I don’t really have anyone to talk to, no friends or people I can trust to speak to without the feeling that I’m being judged or burdening them with my stupidity. It’s moments like these that I miss him most, when my world used to fall apart around me I could always count on him to hold me up and never let me get to this dark place that was my home before I met him.
I know I’ll get through this, but I just need time to not be OK. I just need space from the people around me, because around them I feel even lonelier.