Moving on without you

Being an Asian female, I’m constant bombarded with questions about when I’m going to get married. Honestly I don’t think I ever will. As much as I hate myself feeling like this, I feel as though I would be betraying you for even entertaining the thought. It’s stupid because you cheated on me so many times when you had me. I still miss you, all the time. Not that I would ever admit it to you. When an Asian aunt mentions how their son and me would make a great match I can just feel my face freeze and I immediately try not to cry. It’s stupid because that’s all I seem to do. It’s like I couldn’t live with you, but living with out you is proving equally impossible. You were my first love, my only love. I don’t think I can give my heart away to anyone else. No one even knows I’m sad, I’ve become too good at faking a smile for anyone to ever question it. I feel like I’m mourning your death, but I’m the one it’s killing. The thought of moving on without you is killing me, but I guess it’s what I have to do. I pray that I find the strength to move on or at least to stop being such a damn mess. Until then, my smudged mascara can become a smoky eye instead.

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7 thoughts on “Moving on without you

  1. There is an ancient saying which talks about how holding onto the past could bring you depression, worrying about the future, anxiety, but living in the moment…peace. I believe we go through difficult phases in life just so we can grow our wisdom and maturity through them. It is only when we know go through hardship that we learn to cherish and appreciate the value of peace when it comes. The horizons ahead hold better days for a heart that is a gem like yours.. Stay strong. – Cezane

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  2. I totally agree with Humanity Lives On. We all have disappointments in life and as we get older, we get to see how some of our darkest days have shaped us in beautiful ways. Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5 (Scripture) It sounds like you are very young, yes, I’m sure you feel the pain, but this too shall pass. Also, God allows things in our lives for a reason, and sometimes we just don’t know what He’s saving us from.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. agree 100% thank you for your insightful comment, often I get too caught up in the little picture. Looking at the situation I know that my life would have been so much worse if I stayed with this guy. Though it will take time, healing is inevitable

      Like

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